(Note: I started this post before our trip and am just now getting out of my head an onto this blog. Florida trip details to come- maybe.)
If you have any contact with pre-schoolers, then you have probably heard about this book,
If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. It is a super cute story about a mouse asking a boy for cookie. It starts off as innocent as giving the mouse that cookie, but then the mouse asks for milk and then this and then that and then this and then that…And by end of story, the mouse is so far off task that he ends up right where he started.
My life feels like that story right now. It’s as if one task melds into another into another and into another- like when Play-doh starts out as different colors, but by the end of day, its all one big pile of ugly brown. Example: I don’t have any clean jeans to wear. So, I transfer the dirty clothes out of the laundry hamper and into the basket. Then I notice that Isaac’s dirty clothes hamper is full. So, I empty his. Oh, there’s that cup we’ve been looking for in his bedroom. I pick up the cup, go to kitchen, and open the dishwasher. It’s full. So I empty the dishwasher and so I can put his cup in there. I put the other dishes that were in the sink in there as well. But wait, I can’t leave Isabella’s bottles in there b/c she’ll need them before we run the dishwasher again. I wash the bottles. And now that I’m in the kitchen, I need a snack. So I get a snack out and then my kids want snacks, too. We eat our snacks. Then I have to go to the bathroom. While I’m in there, I notice the toilet and sink need to be cleaned and the bath toys put away. Might as well do it while I’m thinking about it, right? I do a quick clean-up. Then I remember something that I need to pack for the next day. I gather it up and put by the front door. I notice the mail still setting there. I take it downstairs to the desk. Argh- I stepped on a Lincoln Log. I put the Lincoln Logs back in the can. Hmm, I should probably start packing the kids’ bags for tomorrow. I head back upstairs and into Isabella’s room for her diaper bag. I look thru it and decide to change the spare outfit that is in there. I rummage thru her drawers and wonder where that cute little pink shirt is. Oh yeah, it’s probably dirty. Then it reminds me of the one task I started out to do two hours earlier…laundry.
I dunno. Maybe its just me. I have always thought that multi-tasking was a good thing. The more, the better, right? Well, that is until I have twenty projects going on and no noticeable progress has made on anything except a bunch of stress for me. Why do I do that to myself? I’ve realized that the space between what my mind says I can and should get done and the reality of what actually does gets done is huge. And that, my friends, causes stress and grief.
I blogged in a
previous post about being resolved. I also thought that God was telling me to “Simplify” this year. That’s good b/c I have never felt Him telling me anything specific about any year before. I was always secretly envious of people with “Life Verses” or yearly themes. Great, so now I have theme for 2009. The only part I didn’t know (and still don’t) was how or what to do to simplify. And now it is August and I still don’t know what it means or how to accomplish it. I know I haven’t been asking God about it as much as I should, but somehow I guess I just thought it would come to me. Does it mean cutting things out of my schedule? If so, what do I cut? Does it mean purging the house of unnecessary clothes, things, books, craft supplies (gasp), toys? Does it mean just doing the bare minimum to get by? Does it mean giving up time wasters- like TV, Facebook, blogging? The agony!! For me, ‘simplify’ does not mean ‘simple.’
I have started to try to stick to one thing as much as possible before moving on to the next. It’s been going alright and amazingly things have still been getting done in a somewhat timely manner. So, I think the thing for me to do is pray and get a regular time with God. Now, I want to wait to the perfect time- get the Jason Upton music on (no music calms my busy soul as his does), get my Bible out, notepad, pen… Okay, so when is that time? ‘Cause I never seem to find it. I get up early and somehow I still leave later than my target time. I try at night, but after making dinner, packing bags, picking out clothes (and you saw that goes), I’m just too tired to think. Well, maybe I’ll pray in the car, on my way to work. That lasts about two minutes. What is with me?
These are the lyrics to “From the Inside Out” from Hillsong that have been ruminating in my mind for the past few days:
A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
My heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praiseEverlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out
And the part I struggle with the most is : The art of losing myself in bringing you praise. And so I guess this is where faith comes into play. Faith that God is who is says He is; faith that God cares about me; faith that He is able. Faith that my life won't always be like this.